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The ability to hide in plain sight

One of the benefits of being a cis white male is that frequently, erasure and invisibility benefit me even when it's happening to me. 

For example: I'm a white cis male. I have a beard and a reasonably deep voice. I don't think I've ever been misgendered. What I'm not is straight; I've been bisexual for as long as I can remember, before I even knew it was a thing. But! I'm in a committed, monogamous relationship with a cis woman which from the outside looks like a straight couple. I also tend to prefer the word "queer" to any specific explicit definition in conversations, so sometimes others can make assumptions that don't necessarily follow.

So when people look at my life, they don't see the queer parts. They see me as a white dude in a happy hetero marriage and that benefits me because it means that I'm more likely to be seen as part of the 'in group' when dealing with things like bosses, money, taxes, etc. White straight dudes don't see me as a threat; they instead see me as a fellow traveler and treat me as such in regards to things like job offers and the like. Nevermind that two seconds with my Twitter feed will disabuse them of the idea, or if they just asked me I'd honestly say that I'm often more identified with out-groups.

Which is explicitly not to say that I'm oppressed (over and above the ways we are all oppressed by white supremacy and patriarchy); I get many, many benefits for people not seeing my queerness. I like to think that I work hard to make sure that the voice that I promote is not mine, but rather I use my voice and my position to lift up others and give them a platform and a loudspeaker.

I have no idea what I originally meant to aim for when I started this. I guess I just wanted to point out that even the people who "look normal" often have stuff going on behind the scenes, and sometimes that means they're not actually on your side, for good or ill.

Anyway, there's my word salad for the day.

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